I've bought an HP mini and i use that now, not the desktop... gives my back a real rest. I've also got the highest in the presentation for Anwer Sir... till now that it... Mahima's yet to go... all the brighties have got less than me and boy, are they pissed about it... i love it when pple get pissed but try so hard not to show it... they're behind by just 1 mark or even 0.5... but then a 17 is a 17 and a 16.5 is a 16.5 na?
sometimes i wonder why I'm so obsessed with getting ahead like this... i was never this bothered by the rat race in Carmel.... is the world getting to me?
i spoke to Durga today... not really spoke... but more like a written facebook conversation... its strange but so relieving to know that there are others who feel like me... she talks about how college isn't what she thought and how you need to become so fake to fit in... also about how Anglican everyone's become but that isn't an excuse not to disrespect others' tastes.. to quote from her blog at http://thesubconscious-d.blogspot.com/, "
BTW, have you guys ever wondered how Delhi's Uber Urbane youth is so Anglacised? Hey I have no issues with what you guys wear, or watch, or listen.. but that doesn't mean you get the access to mock my interests.
If i listen to mohit chauhan instead of chris daughtry, it may just be cause chauhan sings well too. ever thought of it?
if you don't know a certain character from a certain television sitcom you become "un-real", and if you haven't read a certain book, "what the f are you doing in eng hons DUDE?"."
reading this post of hers almost brought me to tears coz there is so much of me in it... i mean when i walked into SVC, i thought that it was okay... almost 3 years later, i can't wait for it to finish... i have no friends... oh, i do have acquaintances... Vidushi, Amrita, Mahima... all of them are friends... but not pple i could give a piece of my soul to... Durga also mentions this certain phrase/ sentence that i love- " i saw people mock me, disrespect me, ignore me or worse pretend to be friendly"... i know the "pretend to be friendly" so damn well!!! to all of my "friends", I'm more like "refer to Debashree when in doubt about anything concerning English hons"... barring Vidushi who does call or text or ask me whether in college just becoz she wants to c me, hardly anyone calls when they don't need something from me... is that all i am to them? and it's not like i don't or haven't made an effort to be friends... but i simply CANNOT mold myself to become the ""party hopping, cute, pink, i listen to songs u haven't even heard of" type of stereotypical female.... i just can't be that, no matter how much i try... maybe it's becoz of the so many many restrictions Papa put on me when i was growing up, but I'd choose watching a movie at home or curling up with a book any day!! maybe I'm being mean about the entire thing, but i can't be like the F-bar late night partying Kartika or Yashika or being snob like Hina... i can't and don't want to be like Sam, who says "chill" but actually is, i don't even have words for what he is... I'm just this normal girl who's a little different. I'm not dumb like Surbhi... not tantrum throwing like Nisha... i can't dance... i don't want to put my face close to someone and take "oh so cute" pictures.... i don't want to get sloshed or high... i mean, why should i? just to show the world and my "friends" that I'm like them? am i intimidating when i am "me"? am i anti-social??? can't my classmates accept me the way i am??? y am i just the girl they can call when they need to know if their assignments are okay or when the exams are near and they need to know what to study and how to write an answer to XYZ question? and honestly, don't they have any shame when they do that? not even an iota? don't they realise that beneath all my polite and calm exterior, I'm asking for more than the status of the girl who's the answer to all your academic problems?
getting all this out of me, after 3 long years, or 2 and a half to be more correct, leads to me ask myself, why do i hate my class so much? so much hatred spewing out of me towards them... i am not like this with the rest of the people in my life... if you ask my mom, I'm a wise and mature girl who wouldn't give in to trivialities like this... and she wouldn't say this just because I'm her daughter... my boyfriend would say that I'm a little kid, very untidy, careless with money, but a good soul in the end... D would say that I'm his "darling" and I'm a sweetheart... why am i like this, then, with this set of people? why do they bring out these base emotions in me? hell, i wonder if they even know that i feel like this about them? would they even care? i don't think so... why would they? why should they? who cares what Debashree thinks about me? but i care what i think about them... i don't wanna feel this way... but i do... and that's what i hate... this raging internal conflict... this trivial, insignificant matter taking so much prominence in my life when i actually choose to bring it to the foreground and think about it... did i jump from the fat into the fire when i left IHM and came to DU? did i? sometimes, i think so... most of the times, i don't know....
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